Flunkies No More
by Mulderette
Summary: Tired of being flunkies for Mosley, Callen and Sam try to put a stop to it. Crackfic. Contains spoilers for season nine.


_I admit it, I don't like Mosley, not at all. If you like her, you won't like this story so you probably shouldn't read it. Not to mention, it's totally implausible and unbelievable with giant holes in the plot, but I decided to write it anyway_. I wasn't even sure if I should post it, but I guess what harm can it do? I promise, I do have more 'normal' stories I'm working on (well, normal for me anyway) :)

xxxxxx

"What's going on with you, G?" Sam asked. He cast a semi-concerned look at his downtrodden-appearing partner, who had yet to drink a drop of the beer he was holding. The two men were sitting up on the deck of Sam's boat, gazing out at the water under the moonlit sky. "You look like you lost your best friend, but I know that's not the case because I'm sitting right here."

Callen nodded, seemingly a million miles away as he finally took a small sip of his beer.

"G?"

"I don't know, Sam," Callen said, shaking his head. "Never mind…it's nothing…I guess it's just me…"

"If you can't talk to me who can you talk to? What's eating you?"

Callen sighed heavily. "Put on your big boy clothes…I just…I hate the way Mosley talks down to us, and then we have to follow her around like we're her personal little flunkies. It just…it makes me feel creepy. I know we didn't always see eye-to-eye with Granger, but he would have been appalled at the way she treats us."

"It's not just you, G. I thought it was just me or I would have said something sooner."

Callen looked at Sam, appearing relieved. "Really, Sam? You feel that way too?"

"Hell, yeah," Sam said. He took a large swig of beer. "I'm sick of following her around like a puppy dog. She has that whole holier than though attitude going on, then she snaps her fingers and we're supposed to jump. You can't seriously think I like that."

Callen shrugged. "I just… I wasn't sure. I thought maybe I was making too much of it. I kind of feel like she's doing it on purpose…that she just does it because she can, you know? I think she enjoys toying with us."

Sam nodded. "She definitely likes lording over us, that's for sure." He could only imagine what Michelle would have thought of her. It definitely wouldn't have been anything good.

"She makes me feel like a male escort or something," Callen revealed.

"Or something," Sam agreed. "She aggravates the hell out of me. I like Hidoko, but Mosley? Hell, I wish there was a way to get rid of her."

Callen chuckled. "What exactly are you saying, Agent Hanna?"

Sam grinned at his partner. "There's only so much we can do, unless Eric or Nell can maybe find something on her?"

Callen shook his head. "No…that's not happening."

"How do you know?" Sam asked. "It's not a bad idea. We could at least look into it."

"You're right, it's a great idea, Sam," Callen said. "Except I already had Nell and Eric dig into her past. Either it's really spotless or she's very good at hiding the truth."

"I'd guess it's the latter," Sam said. "No way in hell her past is spotless."

"I agree," Callen said. He drank some more of his beer and looked back at Sam thoughtfully. "But if we can't prove anything…"

"There's nothing we can do," Sam finished.

"At least not ethically," Callen said musingly as he rolled the beer bottle between his hands.

Sam stared back at Callen, his expression carefully masked. "What are you saying, G?" he asked quietly.

Callen laughed at the expression on his partner's face. "Come on, Sam…I'm not saying we should kill her."

"Oh…okay," Sam laughed in relief. "So what exactly do you mean?"

"I…" Callen began and then hesitated. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you, Sam. I mean…I don't want you to have to lie if anything ever comes up, even though…" He shook his head. "Just forget I said anything…"

"No way," Sam said. "You're not saying that and then not telling me the rest of it. Spill or I'll pummel it out of you."

"Pummel?" Callen asked with a smirk. "I could go to Mosley about that. Tell her my partner's bullying me."

"Come on, G…just tell me. Please?"

"Okay…there's this tea that Hetty has…"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Really, G? Tea?"

Callen ignored his partner's skepticism. "It's a special tea, Sam…a **_very_** special tea."

"Is it going to make Mosley disappear? Because that's the only really useful thing this so-called special tea can do to help the situation."

"The tea isn't going to make her disappear, Sam…nothing like that, but, it will make her… see things more our way."

"What are you talking about? What the hell is in the tea?"

"I don't even know, Sam, but whatever it is…it's really potent. If used with certain suggestions, let's just say the results are pretty amazing."

"Are you talking about hypnosis?" Sam asked, shaking his head. "That won't work, G. No way will that work."

"It's not hypnosis, not exactly anyhow. Whatever is in the tea… It's strong stuff, Sam…"

"So, you mean brainwashing? That won't work either," Sam stated adamantly.

"I've witnessed it, Sam." Callen lowered his voice even though no one was around the marina. "I…I saw Hetty use it twice…"

"When?" Sam asked, still skeptical.

"It was a long time ago," Callen admitted, "before we were partners, but really, it worked like a charm."

"On who?"

"The first time, it was a drug cartel member. We needed information from him, so we used it. He totally spilled his guts, Sam. We took them all down. It was great."

"And the other time?

"A kidnapper. He totally crumbled, told us where the little girl was and we brought her back to her parents safe and sound."

"Come on, G," Sam said with a nervous laugh. "If this was so foolproof, why don't you use it all the time? I mean, it would be a lot easier than interrogating suspects. We could just give them the tea."

"There's only a really limited supply," Callen said. "And Hetty said we could never use it again, not unless we had a really good reason."

"And you think this qualifies?"

"I do," Callen said with a nod. "God knows she's making our lives miserable and it's only a matter of time before she tries to get rid of Deeks again. I know she's laid off him lately, but I don't trust her for a second."

"No…I don't trust her either," Sam agreed. "But how are we going to do it?"

"You don't have to be a part of this," Callen said, his eyes serious. "I can do it myself and totally keep you out of it."

Sam shook his head. "You're my partner. I'm not going to leave you on your own with this. Whatever you need, G…"

Callen nodded. "Alright, but if you want out, Sam, just say the word. I'll never hold it against you."

"I'm in it all the way, one hundred percent." In all honesty, he thought it sounded pretty ridiculous, but G was his partner and best friend and he'd always have his back, no matter what.

xxxxx

On Friday night, Callen and Sam sat in the boatshed drinking tea. "Damn…this is, by far, the best tea I've ever had," Callen said, licking his lips then sighing in contentment.

"I can't believe you broke into Hetty's stash to get it, G," Sam said. "You're lucky she's nowhere to be found or she would skin you alive for stealing this."

"Stealing is a strong word," Callen said. "You're forgetting I lived with the woman. She took me in and never objected to me drinking any of the varieties of tea in her collection. I've drank tea from all over the world. You would be amazed."

"Not this blend."

"No, but…I still say she wouldn't mind."

"Maybe you're right. I just wouldn't go around advertising it."

"You're the only one who knows, Sam. I…"

At that moment, Shay Mosley sashayed into the boatshed with a wide smile on her face. "What's this, boys?" she asked. "You're having a tea party and didn't think to invite me?"

"What do you want, Mosley," Callen asked, glaring at her. "The work day is over. We're off the clock and we're not on call this weekend. We don't have to answer to you."

"That's Executive Assistant Director Mosley and you're on NCIS property so technically you do have to answer to me."

Callen just rolled his eyes and took another sip of his tea.

Mosley continued to talk. "Which brings me to ask, don't the two of you have anything better to do on a Friday night than to sit here together drinking tea. Isn't it a little…I don't know, weird? And, why are you here anyway? You don't have any business being here."

"We came here to talk if you must know," Sam replied. "We're not hurting anything."

"No kidding," Callen asked. "And if we're asking questions, I have to ask, don't you have anything better to do than keep track of us on a Friday night? You must be really bored."

"I enjoy a good cup of tea as much as the next person," Mosley said with a smile as she took a seat.

"We don't have any more," Callen said.

"Really?" Mosley asked. So, if I went over there to the stove, I would find that teapot to be empty?"

"Man, can't you just leave us alone?" Sam asked.

"I'd really like some tea, boys," she said with that condescending tone they hated so much. "And I'm not leaving here until I get some."

"Fine," Callen got up angrily and went over to the stove then proceeded to pour Mosley her cup of tea. "After you drink this, you'll leave us alone?"

"Yes, I'll leave you two boys alone," Mosley said with a wink. She then proceeded to sip the tea. "Oh my…oh my, my, my…this is extraordinary. I'm afraid I'm going to need another cup when I finish this."

"One cup is more than enough," Callen stated. "Anyway, that's all there is. You can check if you don't believe me."

Mosley rolled her eyes. "You're so stingy," Agent Callen. "Keep your old precious tea." She continued to sip it until the cup was empty and then proceeded to yawn loudly. "Oh my…I'm so tired all of a sudden…I feel like I can't even keep my eyes open." She then proceeded to fall asleep on the sofa almost immediately.

Callen grinned at his partner who rolled his eyes and slowly shook his head. "I hate to disappoint you, partner…but there is no way… no way in hell that this is going to work."

Callen just smirked as he took a tiny micro cassette recorder from his bag. "Now I'll just hit the play button and we'll see what happens."

Callen pressed play and Sam listened to the tape his partner had made. "Callen and Sam know best. You will listen to them. You will not have them unnecessarily accompany you on cases. You will treat them and the other members of their team with respect. You will keep Deeks on the team and will stop threatening that he will be returned to the LAPD…" The tape went on and on.

Callen walked over to the other side of the room and Sam followed him. "How long is this tape?" Sam asked.

"It's about an hour," Callen replied.

"An hour?" Sam asked. "You seriously talked for an hour? I didn't think you had it in you."

"Well, I worked on it all week," Callen admitted, "and I was properly motivated. Motivation is key."

"I'll remember that if I ever need you to give a speech," Sam said, chuckling. "So how many times do you need to play it?"

"Until she starts to wake up, but at least eight hours," Callen said. "Like I said before though, you really don't have to stay. I'm not tired and I can handle it."

"I'm staying," Sam said. "Contrary to what you think, you might get tired and I can spell you if you do."

"Thanks, Sam," Callen relented, smiling at his partner. Inwardly, he had to admit he was glad he wasn't going to be left alone with Mosley all night. She kind of creeped him out, even when she was sleeping.

"I just hope this tea works," Sam said.

"Yeah…you and me both," said Callen.

xxxxx

They ended up playing the tape a total of 13 times before Mosley began to stir. When that happened, Callen and Sam both pretended to be fast asleep.

"Oh no!" Mosley exclaimed as the men opened their eyes.

"Good morning Executive Assistant Director Mosley," Callen said, his blue eyes the picture of innocence. "Sam and I tried to wake you last night, but we couldn't. You must have been exhausted, which is understandable. We know what a demanding position you have and how hard you work."

Sam coughed into the sleeve of his black Henley at that point, struggling to hold back laughter.

"I…oh I'm so embarrassed," Mosley said. "I can't believe this happened and the two of you stayed here with me all night? I'm so sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about," Sam said, his voice oozing with compassion. "These kinds of things happen sometimes."

"Well, let me get going so that the two of you can get on with your weekend, and once again, I apologize for this."

"No problem at all, Executive Assis…"

"Oh please, Callen, please just call me Shay," Mosley interrupted. "I'm not really much into titles. I'll see myself out. Have a good weekend, gentlemen."

"You too," Callen said. He waited until she had left the building before he turned to grin at his partner. "You see?"

Sam just shook his head, still skeptical. Mosley had just awoken and what he considered to be nothing more than hypnotic suggestions had only been freshly placed in her mind. He didn't share his partner's confidence that this was really going to work. "Let's see what happens Monday morning, G. Then maybe I'll start to believe that this tea has possibilities."

"Okay, Sam," Callen said with a shrug. "You'll see that what I'm saying is only going to prove to be true."

xxxxx

"Good morning," Kensi said as she and Deeks entered the bullpen and settled themselves at their desks. "How was your weekend?"

"It was good," Callen said.

"Restful," Sam stated. "Did you two have a good weekend?"

"It was great," Deeks said. "Caught some waves in Malibu."

"Good morning, everybody," Mosley said as she walked into the bullpen. "Did you all enjoy your weekend?"

"Yes, we did, did you?" Deeks asked.

"I did, Detective Deeks, thank you for asking," she replied. She smiled at Deeks then turned her attention to Callen. "Regarding the O'Lindy case, I was thinking that I would interview Mr. O'Lindy today and you and Agent Hanna could accompany me."

Callen gave Mosley a long look before replying. "Actually, I think it might be better if Sam and I were to go on our own to speak with Mr. O'Lindy."

Mosley appeared to think about that for a few moments before nodding. "Yes, I can see your point, Agent Callen," she said with a sincere smile. "Why don't you and Agent Hanna do just that."

"And I thought Kensi and Deeks could go and speak with Laura Franklin. I think she could have some pertinent information," Callen continued.

"Yes, yes, I think you're right," she said. "Well, I'm going to head up to my office. Let me know what you find out." She then proceeded to turn around and leave the bullpen.

Callen looked at Sam with a smirk as Kensi and Deeks both appeared bemused.

"Did you actually just get her to change her mind, Callen?" Deeks asked. "She must have been drinking happy juice this weekend."

"Or maybe just tea," Callen said, smiling. "Come on, Sam. Let's get going. I'm in the mood for coffee and a nice, big donut. I'll let you treat."

Sam shook his head as the two of them headed for the exit. "Okay, G…I'll admit it seems to work, but how long do you think it's going to last?"

"That I don't know, big guy," Callen admitted. "But for now, it's a welcome change, don't you think? And if the results are worth it, I can do it again."

"I thought you said the supply was limited."

"It is. There's not enough to control the criminal population of the world or even Los Angeles, but there may be enough to control Mosley, at least until Hetty comes back. She'll give Mosley a run for her money."

"You really still think Hetty is coming back, G?" Sam asked doubtfully. "She's been gone for a long time."

Callen nodded. "I really do think Hetty will be back, Sam. In fact, I'd bet my life on it."


End file.
